what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
