My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
