Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
