I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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