Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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