now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
