Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize