Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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