; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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