I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm really busy with my period
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