I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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