You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
