I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
