you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
