So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
