Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
