Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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