There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize