can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize