piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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