Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
