i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
