what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
