Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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