you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
