So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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