allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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