I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
