Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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