I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
