i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
