I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
