just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize