woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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