i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
