Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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