the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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