Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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