I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
