My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
