Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
