You can't motorboat a personality
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
well you can't waste a boner
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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