Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
