i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
