Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
