we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
