one might say we're banned from that church
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
