If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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