i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
