girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
