3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
