Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
