Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
