I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
