Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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