Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
