my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
