Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
