the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
