I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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