It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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