I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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