every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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