but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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