You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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