She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
